


Taste Your Own Medicine

by DestinyFreeReally



Category: Archer (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-11 04:21:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10454832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestinyFreeReally/pseuds/DestinyFreeReally
Summary: What happens when Lana tries Archer-izing a mission?





	

     "Doesn't change the fact, Lana, that you've done  _nothing_ and dare I say it, have been half-assing this entire mission." Pulling Lana to a safezone behind a parked car, he made a concentrated effort to whisper-scream in her ear.   
  
     "No, Archer, you may not dare.  _And_ in case you forgot, I did do something, as I matter of fact, I shot someone, remember?" Snarling and reloading, Lana sighed. Completely typical, classic Archer shitass move that he wouldn't  _get_ it.   
  
     "Yeah! Me! In the same goddamn foot you shot me in last summer! Thank you for reminding me about your incredible contribution to this mission.  _If_ I filled out Pam's stupid peer review surveys," Archer leaned out from the parked car, trying to track where the damn Russians went. "You would have to  _blow_   _me_ for me to write you a good review."  
  
     Groaning, Lana spotted Russians a few cars in the parking lot away, and grabbed Archer by his stupid  _tactical neck_ , pulling him away.   
  
    "If you hadn't noticed, half-assing and not contributing is sort of a Classic You thing, Archer. So imagine what every single goddamn one of  _your_ peer reviews look like." Keeping her voice low proved futile, when he outright laughed at her.   
  
    "You think we're  _peers_? Lana, I make a shit ton more money than you." Still laughing, he pulled her down to a crouch, pointing at the Russian shadows following them.  "Scrooch, dammit."  
  
    "Your  _mother_ is our  _boss_ ," She groaned. "And believe me, one day, that umbilical cord's gonna get just a little too tight and choke you. Or her. Or both of you. Kinda hoping for you, though."  
  
     "So you can save money on  _bullets?_ Lana, you shot me. Again. Besides,  _even_ if I half-ass anything, that just proves I'm the best secret agent on the planet,  _Lana_ , because spoiler alert, I'm still goddamn awesome." Firing at the Russians again, Archer just knew Barry shithead Dylan was probably behind this. Guy seriously needed a hobby.   
  
     "Fine, I'm sorry for shooting you but-  _wait wait wait wait wait,_ half-assing everything  _makes_ you awesome?" Lana measured her voice, before lunging towards the Russian who snuck up behind Archer. Kicking the enemy to the ground, Lana turned her head back to Archer. "Half-assing every mission  _just makes you an ass."_ Kneeling to the Russian, Lana grabbed the man's head on both sides and twisted until she head the tell-tale crack.   
  
     Silence won out for a few seconds, when no one was shooting or cursing in Russian.   
  
     "I think I got the last one," Lana sighed in relief. "How's that for a contribution?" She gestured to the now-dead Russian.  
  
     "Oh, blow me."


End file.
